yesterday brady took the kids to the dentist. the dr. promised brooklyn a barbie if she stopped sucking her thumb. this was all explained to me last night after work when brooklyn slowly lifted her thumb to her mouth and everyone in unison reminded her of the dentist's promise of that two legged doll that wears way too much makeup and has been proven would fall flat on her face if she were real because of those two massive girl parts. she immediately burst into tears and said simply “but i just want to suck my thumb.” as i listened to her cry, i bit my quivering lip.
growing up i used to look at special needs kids and wonder why their parents didn’t put braces on them? why didn’t they cut their nails? why didn’t they dress them differently? i know how that makes me sound. shallow and as if i care more about outward appearances. that is not the way i felt at all. i have always looked on those with special needs as God’s elect.
but now that i have a child with special needs of my own, one who is caused trauma by a toothbrush and nail clippers and has sensory issues to different textures and fabrics, i get it.
brady and i argued last night. i couldn’t figure out why i was so angry. we lost power for most of the night. dinner time was stressful. and thinking about brooklyn and her challenge to quit sucking her thumb was weighing heavily on my mind. i couldn’t sleep and i woke up multiple times in the night. much like i used to when i was pregnant. when that used to happen, i used to slip out of bed, stumble through the darkness, click on the computer and let the brightness of the monitor sting my eyes along with the tears as i would google dandy walker malformation searching for hope while the world slumbered. only last night, i felt hopeless and i just laid there in the dark.
mostly because i’m not certain i would find much hope if i were to google: thumb sucking special needs kindergartener main stream school not potty trained.
these are the things weighing heavily on my mind these days.
10 comments:
SIGH...
I know how it weighs on you. I wish that I could take some of the weight of your back by giving you some kind of answer.
But i can't.
no one can.
But what we can do is focus on the light of the issue.
Brooklyn.
The positive, brighter than the noon day sun light that she brings into life every single day.
potty trained or not. crooked teeth or not.
she is a joy.
and you get to be her mommy.
that is priceless. even with the heavy weight.
oh, and
p.s. LOVE YOU!
That's a lot to weigh on one mommy's mind.
Just remember to go with your gut. Not once have I EVER regretted doing that.
I'm sorry, friend. If you need someone to listen, even if I have none of the answers you need, I am here!
the tears....
the fears...
the stress...
the worry...
like mel said i wish i could take it away from you too. i love you my dear friend. the only thing that pops in my mind is this:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, when I carried you."
I couldn't stop the tears as I read this post. I could hear my own elect daughter of God playing in bathtub, talking to her toys, mispronouncing words that a 6 year-old should now how to say, and then I heard her laugh, and the excitement in her voice as she told her toys about going to mainstream. After her bath we snuggled in my bed and she drifted off to sleep. Drew tried to move her to her bed, but she woke up and cried for her mom. Your words came back to me as he stormed to the other worm to watch tv and KayCee snuggled up with me once again. No one, but another mom with a special needs child understands exactly what we go through. The issues that weigh the heaviest on our mind. Especially the ones where our spouse doesn't agree with how we are handling it. You are such an amazing mom, Bri! Brooklyn chose you to be he her mom, and she knew what her struggles were going to be, and she told our Heavenly Father, "Yes, Father, I will go, but only if Briana is my mom." xoxo
No one knows our sweet girls better then us, the Mama. I have given up explaining or justifying what I do or don't do with Savanna. Because ultimately they will be the sassiest, smartest girls in kindegarten even if they are rocking pull-ups:) And their teacher? The luckiest, most blessed. I look forward to them walking in hand in hand. Wouldn't that rock? love u, xo
All I can say ..is I understand .. we all have our hurt in our hands.. things that others can not understand .. We cannot understand them ourselves ... We look to God almighty .. and cry ... then get up and keep doing what we do ... Just know it makes you ... YOU
I Love you ... LisaMe!
Did you see we are now rasing.. my husbands's son 6 yr old son and 7 yr old daughter .. Oh how I had forgotten what it was like to have little ones around .. not just for a visit .. but for homework, baths and the beloved bedtime .. All are worth it .. because of our special prayer times.. Javen who is the 6 yr old...told me Friday Gram-Me know why we are doing so good in school .. Because you and PawPaw are changing our lives ... what a heart message ...
You my friend.. too are changing lives.. God's Grace and mercie .. living right with you ... through your miracle child .. touching the lives of all of those around you ...Hugs...
i drive special needs kids sometimes and get sooo mad at parents for those same reasons.
you just gave me a whole new perspective that i needed to hear. thanks for sharing that.
You are such an amazing woman! Love you:)
Thanks for saving us. The battle continues. I love you
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