this morning was a hard morning for my brooklyn.
the newness of school has worn off. she begged not to go today.
when i went to drop her, there were tears.
lots of tears.
being a mom is hard.
being a working mom is hard.
being a working mom to a child with special needs is hard.
being a working mom to a child with special needs on little sleep is hard.
i spent 30 minutes in the classroom with my girl hanging on my leg.
begging to be held.
whispering words of encouragement.
making promises.
giving endless hugs and kisses.
trying to say the right things to make her feel safe and want to stay.
her teacher came over to cradle her in her arms.
she allowed her to be her special helper during carpet time.
in the end, i knew what i had to do.
although she was in tears, i had to walk away.
i stood outside of the classroom and watched brooklyn soothe herself as she sucked her thumb. by that time her tears had slowed and mine had just begun. i hope things get easier for the both of us.
she is growing. i am sure i am too, although some days i feel as if i am breaking in two.
6 comments:
I'm sorry that it was such a rough morning. You are a wonderful mother and your kids are blessed to have you...even in those moments when you have to just walk away. I hope that you get some much deserved pampering this weekend. Love ya!
Oh you have me crying too! I feel that way lately as well! Garrett has been struggling! It has been hard. So hard. Oh I feel your pain. Keep your chin up cause I'm trying to do the same this weekend! :) love ya!!
Oh dear. Sweet B! Both you B's. Prayers and rest... lots over the weekend. Each day is new.
When you were a babe in arms at two weeks and I left the doctors office knowing my new precious bundle was born with a congenital hip malformation. I was instructed to drive straight to a orthopedic children's prosthetic supplier where they promptly fitted you with a Craig Splint. You were to wear it day and night and hopefully avoid future surgery. I watched as they taught me the proper way to apply the brace as you screamed. In the parking lot I nursed you for comfort with tears streaming down my face now. I wondered if it was painful for you. As you slumbered I tucked you into your seat and we headed into rush hour traffic. Sitting in standstill traffic, you awoke, I was drained from the experience and began to breakdown again now worrying about my milk supply.
I found a way to park off the road and took you in my arms to soothe you. You were only consoled at the breast even then breaking away to whimper with eyes gazing up at me with bubble tears in the corners questioning ME as to why?
I feared it would inhibit your development. We spent many nights rocking and consoling. In your first year you were able to scoot, crawl, even stand! What an amazing "can do" spirit you were born with. The brace left you with a fully formed hip joint and only leaving you with a 1/2 inch leg length difference.
I have never shared my heartbreaking story with you, but it seemed appropriate now.
We spent years seeing orthopedics to keep check on you and you were so fortunate to get well because you had brilliant doctors and parents who wanted to give you a break from that brace but k new we had to adhere to doctors orders inspite of your pleading cries and yes sometimes to turn and walk away to allow you to self soothe.
No mother has identical challenges, but I know that as we parent we partner with our Father in Heaven to bring our children here and see them through it all.
My mom is near 90 suffers from Alzheimer's but she continues in her own way to love and parent me.
Yes we stood in that place and agreed to face unknown challenges.
All I know is you are doing all you can in your own circumstances and doing it very well. You are giving Brooklyn life skills and helping her to become stronger as she faces her own challenges.
Love you bobbies
Hard. Heart breaking. Frustrating. But worth it? Yes. You do hard better than anyone I know. You have had so much practice! You already know what to do but what you don't know is that one day she will thank you for it and you will sit back and see your beautiful brooke and thank yourself for sticking with it and muscling through all your hard days. You are doing a great job!
I am crying now! I feel your pain.
Nothing is worse as a mother and a teacher. You did the right thing though. Stay strong you are an amazing mother, women, friend. Love you
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