because i have been given much

a new day

by celine dion

i was waiting for so long

for a miracle to come

everyone told me to be strong

hold on and don't shed a tear

through the darkness and good times

i knew i'd make it through

and the world thought i had it all

but i was waiting for you

where it was dark now there's light

where there was pain now there's joy

where there was weakness, i found my strength

all in the eyes of a girl

hush, love

i see a light in the sky

oh, it's almost blinding me

i can't believe i've been touched by an angel with love

let the rain come down and wash away my tears

let it fill my soul and drown my fears

let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun

a new day has...come

a new day has...come

Oh, a light.

the anniversary of your diagnoses has come and caused me to reflect. i remember the day so vividly. it was our 20 week ultrasound. the one that they measure every little thing to be sure that the baby is growing healthy and strong. you know, the one where you get to find out if you are having a boy or a girl. we had decided to let it be a suprise. but, after three pregnancies i knew that the tech was spending entirely too much time on your sweet little head. i remember looking over at daddy for reassurance only to be met with a puzzling look of confusion.

and then, the ultrasound tech kindly asking us to wait in the waiting room.

and then finding myself sitting in a leather chair behind a mahogany desk.

and then a muffling voice indicating that there was something desparately wrong.

i cannot describe the feeling i felt at that moment. i do know that having a broken heart is a real and physical thing. hand in hand, your dad and i left the hospital in silence. we literally did not speak a word. the tech had written on a piece of paper that you were a girl and had sealed it in an envelope in case we had a change of heart with what we were up against. i had an immediate need to know as much as i could about you and your condition. in my journey i have learned and continue to learn many things. one of those is that although your mortal body may not be whole, your spirit is. and so i have decided to share my story of you and our experiences and life now as we know it. because i have been given much, i too must give.

brooklyn's blog to come.