goodbye to anna banana

don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. ~unknown

this past monday was your last day with anna, your EI specialist. she is leaving EI. i have mixed emotions about the change. as i listened to anna update katie, i realized just how much you have accomplished in the time you have been working with anna. when i knew you were here to stay, i vowed that i would not let one day pass without counting my blessings. i promised that i would do my very best not to take anything for granted. i thought i was doing pretty good at keeping track, but no matter how closely i pay attention, Heavenly Father blesses me more than i can ever imagine or comprehend. the things you are doing brooklyn amaze everyone. at your most recent appointment the doctor said, there has been major spontaneous improvement. i ask the hows and whys. and you know what he said to me? he said, all i know is that she has had miraculous improvment, that is an incredible thing, and honestly, i don't care why.

every moment of everyday, i feel like the luckiest mother on earth. while i wouldn't wish my experience on anyone, i wish that others could experience day to day life with you in it. your brothers and sister are also very special to me, but in my experience with them, i feel that i am their teacher. with you, it is the opposite, i feel that you are mine.

daddy and i always find ourselves staring at you in your crib sleeping or watching you play. we constantly say to one another, i don't know what it is about her, she's just so... i don't know. then the other day dad said, you know, maybe it is the way she looks at the world. she is always so happy. she just loves her life. as i watched you climb the stairs on the slide, look over at me, flash your dimple filled smile, and take the plunge all by yourself, i had to agree.

i have been thinking lately that i want to write about my experience with you. as i think back to the many sleepless nights i had during my pregnancy, i remember being drawn to the internet. i would read and study for hours and hours searching for understanding and hope. there is so much that they don't know that i found myself at times in unbearable pain and anguish. not once did i find hope. only confirmation of the horror stories the doctors felt obligated to tell us about. but, then there is you. you are beating the odds. you are the miracle no one can explain. my hope is, in writing about you and your diagnosis, maybe sometime in the middle of the night, another mom who can't find rest and finds herself searching will stumble upon my blog and find what i was desparately searching for; hope.

you have changed my life. but if i could go back and make it all better, i wouldn't. i mean that. this is my life. and like you, i love my life.